Our Hearts Are Restless

Ever have a one-by-two moment? It’s like a two-by-four moment, only gentler. I hope I’m not the only one who gets these.

Once upon a time I went to Adoration on a retreat in the middle of a busy school year. There was a lot on my mind, and life was getting really crazy. Most of the time I’m excited about Adoration, but this time I really was not looking forward to that Holy Hour, because Adoration meant mental prayer, talking to God and listening for His answers, and that meant thinking, and I was tired of thinking.

I went into Adoration and knelt down, and suddenly an hour had passed and everyone was getting up. I don’t remember what, if anything, happened during that hour, but I noticed, strangely, that I felt rested and refreshed, and thinking didn’t hurt anymore. That was when I learned that Adoration does not always mean mental prayer, nor formal prayer, but sometimes it’s just resting in Jesus.

“Our hearts are restless, O God, until they rest in Thee.” –St. Augustine

Last weekend I was visiting my Twin Cousin (in actuality we are cousins, not twins. She is two months older than I am. But we grew up together, and were thick as thieves when we were younger (and still very close), so when the term was invented, in the hallways back at Community College when we were seventeen or so, it seemed appropriate), and she, being the good cousin that she is, took me to Adoration, because it was handy, so why not?

N. B. If you ever have the opportunity to visit the Adoration Chapel at St. Mary’s Cathedral in Fargo, ND, do it. You’ll be glad you did. It is lovely.

 

So there I was in Adoration, grateful to be there, since I don’t get many such opportunities since graduating, but I hadn’t been notified beforehand that such was our destination, so I was without my rosary, without my Bible, without my journal, all the usual things I take with me to Adoration. It was just me and Jesus. There was a lot on my mind, but somehow I couldn’t get it formed into words. So after a while I gave up and asked what He wanted to say to me.

“Rest in Me,” he said. And that was all. I didn’t want to rest. I didn’t feel I should be resting. Hadn’t I been resting for a long time? Wasn’t there a lot we needed to catch up on? Shouldn’t I be working through some of my problems in this precious time? But no, that was all He said.

It is not good to argue with Jesus. I have learned this. So, reluctantly, like a small child who has been told to go to bed in the middle of putting together a picture-puzzle, I composed myself to rest.

It was only after I got home and picked up Dr. Edward Sri’s book “A Biblical Walk Through the Mass” that I read these words: “John Paul II taught that when we rest in the Lord’s presence in the Eucharist it is as if we become like the beloved disciple who rested on Jesus’ breast during the Last Supper.”

And there was my little one-by-two moment. How often have I been busy with my own agenda in Jesus’ presence, trying to get things sorted out efficiently, when all He wanted me to do was be still and let Him love me? How often have I been busy trying to get things done in the presence of my family and friends, when love was all that was needed?