Am I Feminine Enough?

I have a small confession to make. My Twin cousin and my Best Friend will both probably laugh out loud when they hear this, but it needs to be said anyway. There are some times when I don’t feel very feminine, when, in fact, I feel like I’ve failed at being a good woman. Those are times when I think of the following:

I don’t like to sew and I don’t like to cook.

Oh, I can do both enough to get by just fine on my own, but really, there are other things I’d rather be doing with my time. Like knitting, crocheting, writing letters, making lace, spinning yarn, reading, singing, playing my instruments, and other similar pursuits. Those are interesting. And I do like the kind of sewing that can be done with a needle and thread; it’s just the sewing machine that really bothers me.

But the image of the ideal woman I have before my mind (an image formed, I suppose, through reading books mostly a century old or older), is one who sews and cooks and cleans. And while spinning and lacemaking might be traditionally feminine pursuits, there is very little need for them nowadays, and thus I am wont to consider them unimportant.

I can darn a sock, knit a cable stitch or pick a G lick with ease and tranquility, but ask me to sew a collar or make a meal for a family of seven, half of whom can’t eat gluten, and I will instantly get all stressed out.

So if I’m not good at cooking or sewing, the question is, does that make me a failure as a woman?

Answer 1: Yes. You have definitely failed. You need to immediately get your act together and practice these essential feminine arts. Otherwise how are you going to take care of the family you are going to have someday? If you can’t cook, how will you please your husband? If you can’t sew, how are your daughters going to be able to find anything modest to wear? You need to leave off doing the things you like, because those aren’t important, and get very good at the things you don’t like, because those are the important ones.

Answer 2: No, you haven’t failed. Cooking and sewing are good things to know, but your femininity does not depend on those skills. Besides, it’s not like you can’t do those things at all, but you just don’t like doing them. Look at all those other very feminine things you can do. Most of all, look at who you are—a daughter of God. He doesn’t fault you for not having certain talents or skills. He just cares what you do with the ones you do have. Consider the lilies of the field…

Will you believe it, when I ask myself this question, I answer myself the first answer most of the time, even though I’m fairly sure answer 2 is much closer to the truth.

But then, once upon a time, my mother handed me a sport coat of my dad’s, and two leather elbow patches, and asked if I could sew them on. “It drives me nuts doing that,” she said. “I always poke myself, and it goes so slow—you have to do it by hand, and I can’t even see the holes.”

I was going to tell her I’d do it, when she added,

“I’m dreading it so much that I’d even be willing to trade you some other sewing if you’ll do it.”

Great bonus feature, I thought. My mother agreed to finish two shirts for me (which had already been cut out and partially assembled, minus the hard parts), and in return I would put the patches on Dad’s coat.

And then I thought to myself, “Gee. There are things even Mother doesn’t like to do. I guess you don’t have to be good at everything in order to be a good wife and mother, or even a good woman.”

Advice to Self: God gives everybody a different set of strengths and weaknesses. The trick is to use your strengths well, and for the glory of God. Work on your weaknesses, but don’t fault yourself for them.